_{Although I strive to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is NOT a substitute for any kind of professional advice, and you should NOT rely solely on this information. Always consult a professional in the area for your particular needs and circumstances (medical, health, etc.) prior to making any professional, medical, health, therapeutic, psychological, or counseling decisions.  For your health related questions, please seek the advice of a licensed physician or any other qualified health care provider immediately. Always take medication(s) as directed and prescribed by your licensed physician or qualified health care provider.}

When you are trying so hard to conceive, the natural course is to try and figure out what the problem is and how to “fix” it. This can be a dangerous slippery slope in terms of communication with your partner because emotions are already running high during the struggle to conceive. 

The “blaming” game can creep in. It really isn’t helpful when we all need to keep our stress levels low. Here are a few things that we, as a couple did to get through those challenging months, when month after months we didn’t conceive. We found that discussions on these issues were helpful to our relationship.

Sex and Intercourse

Yep, we were put on a “strict diet” by the OB/GYN. He was very prescriptive – no intercourse to be had more frequently than every 2 days, and not to abstain for more than 3 days. Sometimes, it felt like a “chore” because the spontaneity seemed to be lacking.

Openly talking about it with your partner can be really helpful. Trying new things in the bedroom (or elsewhere) might also bring that spontaneity back if both partners agree. It’s important to not let sex just be about procreation. Don’t forget it’s for you and your partner’s pleasure too.

Having a “Plan B”

My husband and I had long discussions about how far we would go to conceive. We had decided that if we couldn’t conceive with just the oral medications, we would pursue IVF (in-vitro fertilization). We even briefly thought about the potential of using a surrogate. However, we ultimately decided that this was not a step for us.  

It’s important to be open and honest about your feelings and to share them with one another. This is a trying time for both partners and talking about things may make things easier in charting the next steps. This can be a difficult chat to have, but it can also be enlightening. You might find that you learn so much about the resilience and strength your partner. Or, that even you possess strength beyond the imagination throughout your fertility journey.  

Plan C  – What about Adoption?

We had an agreement that if Plan B didn’t work out for us, then our plan C was to adopt. We figured that many children needed a terrific home and we were open to being that home. We thought about adopting from Asia or even local. We have friends who adopted, with some more than once. They too have created a beautiful family of their own.

Prayer – We Believe

We kept up with our faith in God.  I had always wanted to be a mother from an early age, so I placed my trust in God. We did our part, but I had to give up my need for control and place it in God’s hands from the moment we started on our journey. My faith was a huge part of the fertility journey, for each and everyone one of my three pregnancies.

If you are religious, it never hurts to start with prayer. You can even have other people in your life prayer for you as well.   

Support is Always Beneficial

Find friends or other support around you. It could be a formal support group or an informal one through friends and/or family. Having someone or a group that you can seek a listening ear from – can make a world of difference especially when you are feeling a bit deflated, or frustrated. Those that know you, will be able to find ways of cheering you on with encouragement. They will be the ones that you can lean on as well.

Carry on with day-to-day activities

I tried to carry on with as many normal activities that I possibly could. Sitting still actually made me more anxious. Therefore, I would continue to go out with friends, going on dates with my husband, continues with my hobbies, etc. These day-to-day routines really helped; especially when month after month I wasn’t getting the results we wanted. 

 

If you were able to find other ways to keep your relationship thriving during the fertility process, I’d love to hear from you. This is a great way to find new ideas and strategies to cope as a couple. Please feel free to comment below.

Slightly Petite, Wendy